Post by jena75 on May 12, 2015 22:04:20 GMT 1
Hi I'm tired of feeling like I'm crazy! I've had too many experiences & things happen to me & my family. My daughter has strange scars on her back , I have a scar on my spine I can't explain, I've had "tumors" cut out of my body 4 times, I'm 39 & I've had 2 hip surgeries & so many weird illnesses that my Drs look at me like I'm a freak! Two tears ago I went blind in my left eye temporarily because I had torn my left carotid artery and have no idea how! The Drs thought I must have had some kind of fall or injury but I've had nothing like that happen. I wake up every single morning at 3:33 on the dot. I'm afraid to look at the clock bcuz those numbers follow me. I'm obsessed with decorating my house with owls & I don't really like them I just feel the need to buy owl things when I see them. Whenever there are shows on TV or movies with pictures of the big eyed aliens I frantically look away and I feel ashamed & afraid at the same time. I'm scared walking through my house when I'm alone bcuz I feel like someone's there. My oldest son 10, thinks things are watching him & swears that certain inanimate things talk to him. It took me 3 years to get pregnant the first time & I lost that baby after losing 3 hours of time. I left my college art class bcuz I felt weird and I went home. I don't remember laying down but I woke up on the couch 3 hours later and I was bleeding. I was three months along. My 2nd pregnancy I became unexplainably ill and my liver began to fail at 27 weeks, I had a c-section at 28 weeks & she survived. Four years later I had another child at 34weeks, then I was on birth control for 3yrs and had another lost time episode and woke up bleeding horribly & in pain and ended up at the Dr and delivered in a horrible fashion my baby at what they said was 13weeks or so. I had no idea I was even pregnant bcuz I was on birth control and it took me years of medical help to get pregnant with my other two children. Ok I'm rambling but my question is WHAT NOW? I wake up frozen, trying to scream, I've seen lights that make no sense, I've seen lights with other people and it's like they forget how scared we were, like it wasn't a big deal. I've seen a big square of fog floating in my yard and shadows with nothing to make them, I know things sometimes that I shouldn't and it scares me!! I just don't know what to do now? I know what's happening & I literally look at the sky at night and say "please not tonight!" Or "F#%% you" because I'm tired! Outwardly I'm a normal Mom, inwardly I'm just waiting. I always feel like something's going to happen. When I see the mess going on in the world all I can think is that it doesn't matter anyway. Ok I'm done with my gigantic crazy intro. I'm Jena