Post by rhea on Aug 27, 2015 14:26:37 GMT 1
My very first memory is waking with a start in my bed.I was about 7 years old, I woke in a dark room, no idea where or who I was, with a very loud noise slowly leaving the area. I was frightened and felt alone and didn't know what was happening or why I was there. I eventually fell asleep, and the next morning these feelings of not knowing myself or my surroundings were gone. Later on as a child there was this special tree. I walked by this tree every day on my way to school, and though there was nothing particularly special about it compared to the others, I always felt compelled to stop at stare at this tree. I never could find the courage to go near it, though I always intended to, it simply never happened. There was just always something special about it. At this time I began having fears of the dark, the noises outside my window, my closet. Monsters that I couldn't put a name or face to. Eventually and suddenly this stopped.
Fast forward to my twenties. I am awakening spiritually. I became an activist. I trembled every night at the sound of what I thought were helicopters going over my house repeatedly throughout the night, though I never spotted them and was the only one to hear them in the house. Again, this suddenly stopped.
Beginning last year I moved into a new home. I began having blackouts, times when I was driving or would be around my house and would suddenly find myself in a completely different place doing something with no memory of getting there. I went to the doctor and received multiple tests about these blackouts, though they could find no reason for them. These continue, though have become more and less extreme in different ways. Some days, I KNOW that I am missing a day of my life. That suddenly it is Tuesday when I know it should be Monday or it is Thursday when I know it must be Tuesday and I have no memory of those two days. Sometimes, I simply lose time for a few hours or so.
I began seeing visions in my head of myself being attacked by some dark figure when I walked into certain rooms. I felt this image not an intrusive thought but an image that literally feels as if it is slamming into my brain and throws me into a complete panic. I felt this this strongest in my master bedroom closet and sometimes my living room, but only in an exact place-which I have since then begun to walk around. My fear of the closet became so sever I kept the door closed and would avoid at all costs opening the door if I was alone. This progressed eventually to my entire home, where I now feel compelled to keep every single door in my home shut at all times unless I am in that room. If I were to walk by and notice a door open I feel extremely uneasy and must close it to feel better. I have never had this habit and used to find it annoying to see a home full of closed doors. My outer doors must all be locked at all times, day or night.
As my spiritual side grew I decided to attempt meditation. I came across sometimes nothing and sometimes very profound visions, like such of watching water ripple above me or a time lapse of a forest growing from nothing to eventually wither back to nothing. After some time of this, my visions changed.
My first vision I was laying on my back, though in reality I was on my side. I 'opened' my eyes to see a short grey lying in my bed beside me, looking to me with a serene look on its face. I felt no fear here. Suddenly it changed, and there was nothing but darkness. Then, above me, a very bright blue round light lit my vision and I 'opened' my eyes. Standing around me were many greys, all very close and making me uneasy. All I could see was stainless steel and I felt very frightened, when I began hearing a voice. Though I saw no mouths move I knew it was the same one from my bed, very gently saying "Don't be afraid" "You're safe". This calmed me some, though when one of them placed his face inches from mine I became terrified and 'awoke'. Later that night, as I was about to fall asleep, I felt a sense of being watched and lifted my head to over my husband and saw a grey standing in the bathroom doorway(there is no door to close here). I slammed back down to the bed breathing hard, and when I looked again it was gone.
The next vision I found myself surrounded by many faces again. This time I felt I was standing and that we were in a circle. These seemed reptilian, all with different types of faces. One who seemed to have kind eyes, had ridges across the crown of his head and the tops of his 'cheeks'. Another had a mouth that appeared almost out of 'Alien', a small area with many teeth, barely larger than a needle, all close together and mashed in an angry and frightful sight. This 'awoke' me as well. That night, I woke in the middle of the night to again see the grey, though this time he was immediately next to me by the bed. I closed my eyes and willed him away and he was gone.
These last few weeks, every morning I wake with marks. It started with a small cut in my mouth right atop my lower jaw. This healed rapidly and when the swelling stopped there was a hard lump left behind. This has been examined and though it confused the doctor, he told me it was not cancer and to not worry about it. I wake every morning feeling sick and sore, every inch of my body in pain as if I worked out extensively the day before. I can hardly move these times. Then I became pregnant. I knew this, and knew I was, and began to make plans and prepare for this pregnancy. I began searching for doctors and making mental lists of supplies we would need(second child). For four days after this I began to awaken each night with a start, terrified beyond belief and with no idea why. I would fall asleep every night with the last thing I see either the sight of an owl, a strange and almost cartoon owl with inappropriate proportions, making its head and eyes much bigger than they should be. It always had a beautiful pattern on its belly, though I could only look at its large, black, eyes. Or alternatively, I would simply see two large black ovals in my head right as I drifted to sleep. I would awake each morning with marks on my body, though this time there were not random scratches or scoops, but identical black bruises, very small in size and perfectly round, all over my body. The tapping on my window every night accompanied by these visions and the random lights I could see out of the corner of my eye would make me apprehensive but when I see these things I find myself unconscious regardless of how afraid I feel.
One night, I saw the ovals, but there were many and they moved. I was suddenly aware of a feeling of being on the floor, and I saw before me the sight of what I knew to be a body dropping to the floor just inches away from my face. I awoke that morning and was no longer pregnant, with only bruises covering my body. I now question if I was ever pregnant at all, but simply thinking of the pregnancy nearly brings me to tears.
I am sorry for the long post, this has been a long and frightful ordeal and I have dealt with it in silence and anger and denial, but these marks and the loss of my baby has thrown me over. I feel like I'm really starting to go crazy now and I'm not sure how to handle these happening or make them stop.
Fast forward to my twenties. I am awakening spiritually. I became an activist. I trembled every night at the sound of what I thought were helicopters going over my house repeatedly throughout the night, though I never spotted them and was the only one to hear them in the house. Again, this suddenly stopped.
Beginning last year I moved into a new home. I began having blackouts, times when I was driving or would be around my house and would suddenly find myself in a completely different place doing something with no memory of getting there. I went to the doctor and received multiple tests about these blackouts, though they could find no reason for them. These continue, though have become more and less extreme in different ways. Some days, I KNOW that I am missing a day of my life. That suddenly it is Tuesday when I know it should be Monday or it is Thursday when I know it must be Tuesday and I have no memory of those two days. Sometimes, I simply lose time for a few hours or so.
I began seeing visions in my head of myself being attacked by some dark figure when I walked into certain rooms. I felt this image not an intrusive thought but an image that literally feels as if it is slamming into my brain and throws me into a complete panic. I felt this this strongest in my master bedroom closet and sometimes my living room, but only in an exact place-which I have since then begun to walk around. My fear of the closet became so sever I kept the door closed and would avoid at all costs opening the door if I was alone. This progressed eventually to my entire home, where I now feel compelled to keep every single door in my home shut at all times unless I am in that room. If I were to walk by and notice a door open I feel extremely uneasy and must close it to feel better. I have never had this habit and used to find it annoying to see a home full of closed doors. My outer doors must all be locked at all times, day or night.
As my spiritual side grew I decided to attempt meditation. I came across sometimes nothing and sometimes very profound visions, like such of watching water ripple above me or a time lapse of a forest growing from nothing to eventually wither back to nothing. After some time of this, my visions changed.
My first vision I was laying on my back, though in reality I was on my side. I 'opened' my eyes to see a short grey lying in my bed beside me, looking to me with a serene look on its face. I felt no fear here. Suddenly it changed, and there was nothing but darkness. Then, above me, a very bright blue round light lit my vision and I 'opened' my eyes. Standing around me were many greys, all very close and making me uneasy. All I could see was stainless steel and I felt very frightened, when I began hearing a voice. Though I saw no mouths move I knew it was the same one from my bed, very gently saying "Don't be afraid" "You're safe". This calmed me some, though when one of them placed his face inches from mine I became terrified and 'awoke'. Later that night, as I was about to fall asleep, I felt a sense of being watched and lifted my head to over my husband and saw a grey standing in the bathroom doorway(there is no door to close here). I slammed back down to the bed breathing hard, and when I looked again it was gone.
The next vision I found myself surrounded by many faces again. This time I felt I was standing and that we were in a circle. These seemed reptilian, all with different types of faces. One who seemed to have kind eyes, had ridges across the crown of his head and the tops of his 'cheeks'. Another had a mouth that appeared almost out of 'Alien', a small area with many teeth, barely larger than a needle, all close together and mashed in an angry and frightful sight. This 'awoke' me as well. That night, I woke in the middle of the night to again see the grey, though this time he was immediately next to me by the bed. I closed my eyes and willed him away and he was gone.
These last few weeks, every morning I wake with marks. It started with a small cut in my mouth right atop my lower jaw. This healed rapidly and when the swelling stopped there was a hard lump left behind. This has been examined and though it confused the doctor, he told me it was not cancer and to not worry about it. I wake every morning feeling sick and sore, every inch of my body in pain as if I worked out extensively the day before. I can hardly move these times. Then I became pregnant. I knew this, and knew I was, and began to make plans and prepare for this pregnancy. I began searching for doctors and making mental lists of supplies we would need(second child). For four days after this I began to awaken each night with a start, terrified beyond belief and with no idea why. I would fall asleep every night with the last thing I see either the sight of an owl, a strange and almost cartoon owl with inappropriate proportions, making its head and eyes much bigger than they should be. It always had a beautiful pattern on its belly, though I could only look at its large, black, eyes. Or alternatively, I would simply see two large black ovals in my head right as I drifted to sleep. I would awake each morning with marks on my body, though this time there were not random scratches or scoops, but identical black bruises, very small in size and perfectly round, all over my body. The tapping on my window every night accompanied by these visions and the random lights I could see out of the corner of my eye would make me apprehensive but when I see these things I find myself unconscious regardless of how afraid I feel.
One night, I saw the ovals, but there were many and they moved. I was suddenly aware of a feeling of being on the floor, and I saw before me the sight of what I knew to be a body dropping to the floor just inches away from my face. I awoke that morning and was no longer pregnant, with only bruises covering my body. I now question if I was ever pregnant at all, but simply thinking of the pregnancy nearly brings me to tears.
I am sorry for the long post, this has been a long and frightful ordeal and I have dealt with it in silence and anger and denial, but these marks and the loss of my baby has thrown me over. I feel like I'm really starting to go crazy now and I'm not sure how to handle these happening or make them stop.